My boyfriend and I watched Eat Pray Love last night. If you are a regular person, as I'm assuming all my readers are, it's not a movie that's relate-able. In order to take a year off work to quote unquote find yourself is an indulgent concept. Especially if that year off means you are traveling to Italy, India, and Bali and not backpack/hostile style. I did enjoy the movie taking it for what it was, just a little entertainment on a Saturday night.
The best part of the movie was thinking about the idea of creating balance in your life and making yourself a better person from within. Self meditation. Focus. Creating a perfect balance between religion, self-improvement, and enjoyment of life.
I want to achieve that. I've never put much thought into it because I grew up in Christianity which in a lot of ways to me isn't a very spiritual religion. It's about following rules and trying to not be an excessive sinner. There's no meditation. There's no looking within to find yourself. There's praying to God to forgive you and praying to God to help you. What about the idea of forgiving yourself and helping yourself? I'm not anti-Christian. I just think the religion has been changed to accommodate changing views. I don't believe it is followed how it was meant to be. Jesus Christ is a recognized guru. Do we look at him that way?
There's a lot of things I need to work on. I want religion to be a more important part of my life. I want to be happy. I want to be healthy. I want to be a better person, a kinder, more giving, more loving person. But it's daunting to decide where to start.
So today I started with a couple things I had been thinking about for months. I deactivated my facebook account and I joined weight watchers. It's not exactly a religious or spiritual change but it was a couple easy things I could do to make a change in my life. I am extremely obese. I'm ashamed of myself for letting it get so bad. I haven't been able to control it on my own so I decided I needed some outside help. Facebook has become something that makes me feel bad about myself. I hate looking at pictures of my fatter self and I hate looking at pictures of my skinnier self. It's just an endless site to compare myself to other people that are doing better in life (job, relationships, health) than me and make me feel miserable. I'm not strong enough to not let it bother me. I feel weird about keeping tabs on people's lives I don't even talk to anymore. I think my true friends will understand. They have my phone number and my e-mail if they want to stay in contact. I just want something/anything to change and it's small steps to make a better me.
