Onward I go

I was upset with myself this morning at weigh-in. I took that anger and turned it into motivation. I went on a walk. I ate a healthy breakfast. I planned the rest of my meals for the day. I already have a better outlook on my week.

I'm only choosing 1 goal for the week from now on and it will be my goal for as many weeks as it takes for it to become habit. My goal this week eight servings (8 fl oz) of liquids a day.

I'm making a Weight Watchers recipe for Potato and Canadian Bacon Slow Cooker Chowder.

	2 cup(s) uncooked potato(es), cut into 1/2-inch cubes
	1 large carrot(s), diced
	1 cup(s) leek(s), chopped, white part only
	1 clove(s) (medium) garlic clove(s), minced
	4 cup(s) fat-free chicken broth
	1/2 cup(s) uncooked barley
	1 leaf/leaves bay leaf
	1/4 tsp dried thyme, crushed
	1/4 tsp black pepper
	4 oz Canadian-style bacon, cut into 1/4-inch pieces
	1/2 cup(s) fat-free evaporated milk
	2 oz fat-free half-and-half

Instructions

• In a slow cooker, combine potatoes, carrots, leek, garlic, broth, barley, bay leaf, thyme, pepper and bacon; cover and cook on low for 6 hours.
  
  
• Stir in evaporated milk and half-and-half; heat through, uncovered, about 10 minutes. Yields about 1 2/3 cups per serving.

As I suspected

It's been a bad week.

Current Weight: 194.8 lbs
Weekly Gain/Loss: +0.2 lbs
Total Weight Loss: -10.2 lbs

I realize I kind of maintained my weight. But I also know I give up easily and maintaining or gaining is equivalent to a death sentence in my journey.

Weight Watchers told me... gaining is part of the process. You should look at your month as a whole. My month is still really good. REALLY good.

I will do better this week. I will do better this week. I will do better this week.

Terrible week

Tomorrow is weigh-in day and it's going to be bad. In the last 24 hours I have eaten:
6 oz steak
cheese and bacon fries
mint chocolate chip milkshake
movie theater popcorn
Regular coke
chicken chili
pretzel bites with nacho cheese
skinny vanilla latte
2 luna bars
string cheese

Gah. Soo terrible and all I can think about is eating more bad food. Someone save me!!!!

Week in review

I'm relaxing after the Blue Jackets game. The good, we won 4-0. The evil, I ate chili cheese fries at the game. The purgatory, I ate a Weight Watchers ice cream bar when I got home. :/

Talked to my neighbor for a bit tonight. Actually I think that's the first time I've said more than "hello" to her in the year and a half I've lived here. The two girls are moving out this weekend. She's packing her car and driving to Arizona to sleep in a tent and help build houses. Oh to be young and not tied down to responsibility. I won't miss the smell of pot coming from their side in my basement. But I'm not particularly thrilled about having new neighbors, especially if they have kids. I kind of dislike children. I think we're going to revisit the idea of finding a new home. It's just so hard to get motivated about moving in the winter.

Last week ended up being better than expected. I had a tough time with my eating because of my period but I managed to lose some weight. I've now lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks, which Weight Watchers has told me is an unhealthy pace. Obviously that 8 pounds in the first week won't happen again so I'm not worried about it.

I didn't exercise very much. I walked on my lunch break at work 3 days. I also climbed 8 flights of stairs twice. I tried the Kinect one night. I need to rearrange my living room to continue exercising with the Kinect. Since I'm so lazy... that hasn't happened yet. I definitely need to get more exercising in.

I didn't pick up my Kindle until Sunday. :/ I like reading. I don't know why it's so hard for me to make the time for it. I seem to have plenty of time to shove food in my mouth, to waste time on the internet (and that's even without being on FB), to watch TV and play video games. I don't know. My goal is still 1 book a month so we'll see.

Things I learned:
1. I can survive without red meat. I've had a total of 2 servings of red meat in the past 2 weeks and guess what, I'm still alive. This is really epic for me because I had been eating at least 1, possibly 2, servings of red meat a day. A day!
2. I don't feel skinny after losing 10 lbs but I should still view it as an accomplishment and be proud of myself.
3. The WW's plan I'm doing gives you 49 extra points a week. I'm not a use 7 points a day kind of girl. I'm a use all 49 points in one day kind of girl. The mistake I made last week was I used all 49 points early in the week on Tuesday. That made it impossible for me to go the rest of the week without going over points. If I'm going to continue the trend of using all the points in one day then I need to do it at the end of my weeks, so Friday or Saturday.

Goals for this week:
1. Focus on drinking (water, diet soda, anything except regular soda and booze). I don't drink enough. I never have. WW's has a 5 drink a day goal and I haven't come close to hitting it since I started.
2. Exercise. 30 minutes a day. Doing anything. Walking the stairs. Taking a stroll around the block. Even fucking playing tennis on the Wii. Just get some activity Laura!!
3. Stop weighing myself 10 times a day. Ever since I bought the scale I can't stay off it. I weigh before and after I pee in the morning. I weigh completely naked, with a sweater and boots on, when I get home from work, after I eat dinner, before I go to bed... I'm always getting on the scale. Even though I know it doesn't mean anything, the constant fluctuation in my weight in a day makes me moody. I don't think weighing myself once a week is a feasible option for me. I'm going to go with cutting it down to once or twice a day. That's it.

Sunday Weigh-In

My first thought this morning was "Weigh-In Day" I get up on Sunday mornings, lay in bed and think about all the bad things I ate that week and how I'm probably not going to lose weight. Finally, after I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't go pee; I get up and proceed to the scale.

Every Sunday I will check in on this blog and update my Weigh-In results.

Current Weight: 194.6 lbs
Weekly Gain/Loss: -1.6 lbs
Total Weight Loss: -10.4 lbs

I hit my 5% goal weight. My next goal weight will be 10% or 184.5 lbs.

More thoughts on this later.

Reading is terrible for my brain

I need to stop reading. Seriously. On a lonely Friday night, I decided to google search Truvia, the "natural" sweetener. Which led me to search Splenda. Which led me to search raw sugar. Which led me to search sugar. Which put me in diabetic shock and if not for feeling a wetness in my pants (I'm menstrating... perv) I may have been succumb by sweetener related overdose. All I have learned is that reading makes me fearful of putting anything in my body. Hmm, or maybe the lesson I should take from this is that reading about the terribleness of food will help with the tiny problem I have... eating EVERYTHING.

I have already given up on losing weight this week. I am clinging to maintaining my weight. But very realistic to the possibility of gaining. All of this because of a little thing we womyn (yes, I went there!) like to call a period. Higher powers are clearly punishing me. Why, after not having a period for a year... A YEAR... am I having my first one week 2 of starting a weight loss program. WHY?!?!?!

After feeling pretty glum about myself this evening, I have not reached for food, yet. I have however cheated and visited ESPN.com. I'm kind of a sports addict so ESPN is like the mother ship of crack for me. I was doing so well too. :(

I'm still Facebook and Twitter free and my boyfriend will soon be home bearing gifts of Tampax Pearls. The day will come soon for a happy stomach and vagina.

Happy almost Valentine's Day

Thanks to my neighbor and friend Chevonne, I got to eat a delicious fetus cookie while finishing up my 3-D Dinosaur Valentine cards for my co-workers. :)

I am checking in to say that I had a pretty successful week. As you know, last Sunday I started Weight Watchers online. Today I am happy to report that I have lost 8.8 pounds (9.2 after peeing...). I do not know what friends have been eating, reading, or seeing this week because I am Facebook and Twitter free. Instead of using my tax return to eat out at restaurants or go shopping, I paid off a credit card. I only ate out 2 times this week, which is a giant step because I normally eat out 6 days a week, 3 meals a day.

Things that I've learned about myself this week:
I can have self-control.
I don't need to be socially connected through social networks.
I can lose weight.

Goals for this week:
Instead of coming home from work and heading straight to the computer, stay in the living room and exercise for at least 30 minutes.
No ESPN.
Exchange 30 minutes of tv/computer time with 30 minutes of Kindle time.

Religion, balance, self-improvement... did a Hollywood indulgent movie make me think about my life?

My boyfriend and I watched Eat Pray Love last night. If you are a regular person, as I'm assuming all my readers are, it's not a movie that's relate-able. In order to take a year off work to quote unquote find yourself is an indulgent concept. Especially if that year off means you are traveling to Italy, India, and Bali and not backpack/hostile style. I did enjoy the movie taking it for what it was, just a little entertainment on a Saturday night.

The best part of the movie was thinking about the idea of creating balance in your life and making yourself a better person from within. Self meditation. Focus. Creating a perfect balance between religion, self-improvement, and enjoyment of life.

I want to achieve that. I've never put much thought into it because I grew up in Christianity which in a lot of ways to me isn't a very spiritual religion. It's about following rules and trying to not be an excessive sinner. There's no meditation. There's no looking within to find yourself. There's praying to God to forgive you and praying to God to help you. What about the idea of forgiving yourself and helping yourself? I'm not anti-Christian. I just think the religion has been changed to accommodate changing views. I don't believe it is followed how it was meant to be. Jesus Christ is a recognized guru. Do we look at him that way?

There's a lot of things I need to work on. I want religion to be a more important part of my life. I want to be happy. I want to be healthy. I want to be a better person, a kinder, more giving, more loving person. But it's daunting to decide where to start.

So today I started with a couple things I had been thinking about for months. I deactivated my facebook account and I joined weight watchers. It's not exactly a religious or spiritual change but it was a couple easy things I could do to make a change in my life. I am extremely obese. I'm ashamed of myself for letting it get so bad. I haven't been able to control it on my own so I decided I needed some outside help. Facebook has become something that makes me feel bad about myself. I hate looking at pictures of my fatter self and I hate looking at pictures of my skinnier self. It's just an endless site to compare myself to other people that are doing better in life (job, relationships, health) than me and make me feel miserable. I'm not strong enough to not let it bother me. I feel weird about keeping tabs on people's lives I don't even talk to anymore. I think my true friends will understand. They have my phone number and my e-mail if they want to stay in contact. I just want something/anything to change and it's small steps to make a better me.